Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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