Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You made out with two different species that night
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Randomize
