It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Shame - the story of my life.
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