i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
