Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
