The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
