His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
