I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The struggles of a small town man whore
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
