thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
