when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You smell like stripper and shame
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
