did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
