I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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