I'm lost and stupid without you.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
