if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
