the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
