dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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