I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
