my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
