im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
