This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
