i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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