What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
