your parents love me but you hate me
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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