woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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