I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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