so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
