forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
