also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
