the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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