i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
