New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
