i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
