Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
