Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
