ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
