I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
