Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
