I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
