i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
