Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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