I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
