She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
