I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
