Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I wear drunk well.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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