How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
