My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
