Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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