The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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