1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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