i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
