The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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