I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
