Umm I'm too high to move.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
